it’s been a while. it’s really good to be back. i hope the past few years have been kind to you, and that you’re doing well.
for most of my life, music was every part of how i identified myself. my earliest memories involve singing and playing instruments. my home was always filled with music. i spent most days after school drilling chords with my dad. i was the “choir girl” in middle school. my high school year book is filled with messages addressed to my music. my college degree is in music. my first few years in the workforce were dedicated to music. after work, i would play music. …you get the picture - music was every part of who i was.
one day, i woke up and realized that, without music, i didn’t know who i was. and i was getting burnt out. and tired. i needed a break, and i took one.
instead of going on a journey of self love and discovery, i lost myself in something else: a relationship. my identity went from “music girl” to “that guy’s girlfriend.” i went through my whole life as a stranger to myself, and i spent every day trying to ignore the nagging broken feeling that was burning me up inside, telling myself that i was happy. this went on for years and years and years…almost a decade.
until one day it all burst into flames, my rose colored glasses were yanked off my face, and i finally had to look in the mirror at the truth. i thought it was the worst day of my life. i couldn’t have been more wrong.
i’ve spent this year on a journey of self discovery, self compassion, and self love. i know who i am now, and for the first time in my life, i can confidently say that i like that person very much.
along the way, i rediscovered my love for music. this time, it was different. it didn’t consume me. it didn’t dominate me. it wasn’t all of me. it was an old friend, and it felt like coming home. as i flirted with the idea of inviting music to become a central part of my world again, i realized something important: music isn’t my identity - it’s my language. it’s the way i connect, process, feel, and experience life. i need it. i love it.
so i started writing… and writing… and writing… and i still am. i’m writing more new music than i’ve ever written in my entire life. when i was younger, i always set out to make a full length album, but i never did. i would always build it up into this big high pressure, arbitrary deadline-focused job, setting the bar so unrealistically impossibly high that i’d inevitably burn out and fall short. i would push myself to try to deliver huge volumes of great music on a teeny tiny baby timeline.
this time is different. there will be no big announcements, release dates, or details until it’s ready. it could take months, it could take years. i’m encouraging the music to take its time, and i’m trying to learn how to take my time. i don’t know when it will be here, but it’s coming, and when it does, it’s going to be beautiful.
i’m so grateful for this journey. i’m grateful for the happy moments, and i’m grateful for the ugly ones too. i’m truly a believer that everything happens for a reason, and i am so happy to be right where i am right now. i wouldn’t change a thing.
to those of you who stuck with me after all this time, thank you. frankly, the words “thank you” really don’t cover the depths of appreciation that i’m feeling, but i don’t really think that any words could.
i can’t wait to share this album with you. but i will wait. and it will be worth it.
i’ll see you then!